Textised! : Booloo

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Booloo Booloo Booloo can be described as a giant messy orgy of porn videos. It is a no-bullshit aggregator of videos from major porn sites such as XHamster, RC Porno, and many more, allowing you to cast a big net in what you’re searching for. If you can’t find it here, you probably won’t find it anywhere, that is…unless you are looking for some illegal or truly weird, weird shit. Now a giant orgy of videos sounds good, but as you may be aware, there are different kinds of orgies. There are orgies like the ones from Eyes Wide Shut, where we got doctors and politicians dressing up in crazy owl masks and banging 10/10 models and drinking goat blood. There are other types of orgies however. Another type of orgy is where you and a bunch of hairy dudes take a six pack, pay Olga and her friends a couple 20s, and take them out back behind the bar while dodging puddles of vomit. Well when it comes to Booloo, I have to say it isn’t Eyes Wide Shut. It’s just a big old video dump. Booloo has been around for a few years now, but in 2018 it feels pretty outdated. The layout and general looks are not inspired, and there seems to be zero thought into which videos are featured. The site also has some performance issues, which I will go into later this review. Site gives zero fucks I want to describe the layout as a series of vomits, but I feel like that sounds meaner than what I’m really looking to say. Honestly, I don’t have any major issues with the layout. You have the most popular keywords on top, a huge gallery of videos in the middle, and then links to other porn sites at the bottom. At the very top of the page is links to what I think are affiliated sites – basically other porn sites including a couple that are almost exact replicas of Booloo itself. Very simple, straightforward, and easy, just like that town bicycle chick you have fond memories of. But frankly, “vomit” expresses the layout so goddamn well (if I must say so myself). The keywords, videos, and porn links are all just thrown onto the page without any formatting or care. This really hits home when you directly compare it to other major porn sites. I guess you can argue- who really gives a shit when you are trying to jack off? And a big part of me agrees with you. But hey, I am ThePornDude, and it’s my job to give you guys an expert opinion. If I were to compare it to a pussy ,I’d say this bitch could use some trimming. You could tell the site creators didn’t give a FUCK about this kind of stuff, and just focused on making the engine work. Fair enough, but I still gotta deduct points for this. “Long hair, don’t care” only goes so far. Bionic porno site with everything This site has everything. From anal to mouth, teen to granny, male to shemale, you’ll pretty much find every category of porn video you can think of. This makes sense because the site gathers videos from many other websites. One thing to note is that the site has videos, and only videos. You won’t find pictures, cams, comics, or anything else. The site also doesn’t have any community. There is no way you can register and have access to functions like uploading, messaging, favorites, or other features that have become typical on porn sites. The website just wants you to come in, jerk off, and get the fuck out. You may be thinking, “I don’t give a fuck about any of that shit! I just wanna jerk off, so what’s wrong with this site!?” Well, we’ll go into its troubles later. What I Like With the huge collection of videos, it’s good to see these motherfuckers making use of tags/keywords. There’s just so much content that keywords are probably the best way to sort out all the content. I like that all the videos explicitly show their tags below, because that way you can become inspired to search that same keyword for similar content. It just gives you good ideas on how to become a better porn searcher, funny as that sounds. The mobile site was nicely done, and actually looks much better than the website simply due to the screen limitation. It’s pretty much the same shit, except neater, and I didn’t encounter any major issues. I don’t see myself using the desktop version too much, but I may drop into the mobile site for some sessions when I want to find fresh content. I also enjoy the lack of bullshit. These days it feels like so many websites are focused on adding as much bells and whistles as possible to try to show off their “features”. Fuck features, sometimes a man just wants to look at some goddamn porn. I’m pretty sure the site’s creators felt the same way. Well, maybe they are just lazy. What I hate Well, I already went over the layout. I think it might do some good if the site creators hired a faggot or someone to give the site a more “woman’s touch”. I mean, I ain’t one that likes too much polish and shine, but seriously, this site is on some fucking Geocities shit. Almost made me go download Netscape Navigator to remember the good old times. But a bigger concern is performance. This site does not have the best or most consistent performance. Sometimes the site runs smoothly, but I’ve also had several times that it seems to just freeze up. Booloo really doesn’t like it when you open up multiple tabs. I noticed that when I had more than two videos running, I basically couldn’t browse anymore until I closed the videos. For a motherfucker who loves to jack off to eighteen videos at once on a triple monitor of porn set-up, this posed some issues. There are also some annoying popups. I don’t “hate” this, because this site actually is more respectable about ads than many others, but it is annoying that I have to close a popup every-time I play a video. Because porn sites can be so fucking shady, I am very sensitive to any website that smells like it’s trying to inject spyware and shit like into my computer. I generally feel pretty safe using Booloo, but the shitty layout and popup ads didn’t make me feel comfortable either. Finally, I know I praised the keywords, but the search function isn’t the best. I noticed that I get way better results searching on Pornhub (which has a godlike search engine) than on here for specific topics. One way to test this is to search, say, “Indonesian”, and then see if you actually get Indonesian bitches, or just Asian bitches in general. Unfortunately, this is a site where you just get thrown a bunch of random Asian bitches, so the search isn’t that refined. Yes, I do enjoy me some jungle-Asian ass bitches. Clean it up for fuck’s sake These motherfuckers need to get their asses to Fiverr and hire a UI designer or something. This site was a godsend five years ago, but it’s rapidly becoming outdated in today’s era. All the content is centered in default font, and there was minimal thought put into shit like graphics, colors, tables, etc. A junior programmer from India could probably whip this shit up in an afternoon if he wanted. But then again, I’m sure there are porno purists who appreciate the site’s bare-bones nature, especially because the website goes back a few years. Also, invest in some motherfucking servers. I can tolerate many things, but I cannot tolerate slow porn. I’ve suffered through enough of that bullshit using modem internet in the 90s. The performance felt very inconsistent, making me refresh the site sometimes to get it going again, and it’s that kind of shit that will make you fail. From what I saw, it looked like the site throttles you if you have too many tabs open. I guess this is to prevent DDOS attacks, if you motherfuckers know what I’m talking about. Either way, it’s fucking caveman status. A Salute to Booloo Looking at it as a whole, I think my analogy of dirty orgy is kind of off. When it comes to porn sites, I would say this is like an old dependable uncle who can only type one finger at a time, but knows how to cook a mean steak and repair cars. The world is passing him by, and young folks may think he’s slow and outdated, but he can also be surprisingly effective with zero bullshit, and there was a time when he was the goddamn hero of the land. Hats off to you Booloo, but seriously old man, if you don’t get with the times soon you’ll find yourself underwater.

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